Peaceful Birthday, Life Uncertainty, and a Global Pandemic Lead to Contemplation

Yesterday was my birthday.  

More than anything right now, I’m feeling introspective. This is by no means a normal time in which to celebrate in a normal way, and truthfully, I chose a comfort-food dinner, and made a (real, with sugar) dessert to enjoy. As a kid, we used to celebrate nearly every birthday with dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory in Portland, and I went with nostalgia – making pasta (gluten free of course) and topping with a sheep’s cheese that was the closest thing I could find to myzithra at our tiny local market. I baked broccoli, and we sat to enjoy our meal watching “Driving Miss Daisy” which I had never seen ( and it was cute). In the late afternoon, I went for a walk with my partner,  and although I planned to take time to take a long bath and read a book that I have been dying to start for weeks (City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert), phone calls with friends and family took up that time – and I don’t mind that a bit. Connecting with loved ones is paramount, when we can’t meet in person. I may get to the relaxation and reading activities today, instead. Something to look forward to today, my first full day of being 38.

This month has been difficult, and not only for all the political and global reasons. I am in the process of selling my home (in fact, the last five days of the journey), which has had a couple hiccups. Fortunately, things are looking up, but I’m not hedging any bets at this timeI have some physical things that were bothering me, caused me to go to the doctor, and now we know – there is something there. BUT. Due to the recent developments in the national pandemic, the appointment that was scheduled quickly & urgently for me two days after my ultrasound was cancelled the day before I was to meet this doc. I kinda started freaking out inside because an urgent referral seems to me that it would at least warrant a consultation with a doctor. To my relief, I received a call two days ago to (re)schedule with a different doc – they still want me to come in, so that is encouraging. And discouraging – depending on how you think about the facts. I get to find out what is happening, and a doctor thinks it’s important enough not to put it off until later, so… Updates will be coming the first week of April. (Yes, I will share. Hoping to be able to laugh and say it’s not a big deal, but regardless of the results, the truth will be shared here).

I have often find myself focusing on the unknown, these last couple weeks.. Waiting for a call or response from medical professionals for the many days I was left in the dark has made me see how much of a knowledge & truth seeker I am.

Without facts, I feel lost. Which is why I find myself absorbing whatever information I can about this state of pandemic in the United States, and around the world. Hearing what is happening is sad, and scary, but it comforts me to simply know. It’s an unusual sense of uncertainty we are living in, and a crazy-making time to have to go in to a hospital for anything not related to the COVID illness. But, here I am, and there I will go. 

In my last post, I mentioned planning our wedding for this summer. 

That idea… a large gathering of many friends and family to celebrate the vows Doug and I intend for one another… That will probably not happen this year. My allergy doctor recently directed me not to have a wedding outside in June, and I’m not certain when the social distancing and stay home orders will be lifted, much less when large gatherings will be allowed. 

Right now, I’m going to focus on this pretty dress, see if I can lift some of the yellowing (do any of you have tips on how to clean antique clothing? Email or leave a comment! Any advice is much appreciated), and play with fabrics and drawings and patterns to make a dress I really want to wear. Because going somewhere to try on dresses is also a thing that will not happen for some time.

With all this time at home, it really is time to get creative!

Today, I’m focusing on the good. Spring is here, and I can still take (solo) walks to enjoy all the new blooms in the neighborhood. People on the bike path are doing a great job of “social distancing” with the physical distance of at least 6 feet, and are smiling and saying hello more than ever before.

There is a feeling that “we’re all in this together.” 

I have never experienced this kind of sense of community in my life, and here it is, even while in isolation. A great sense that we will make it through this global crisis exists in the air. We all know it won’t be easy, but we will make it, together.

Our gardens are blooming, soon there will be fruit on the vine, and life will go on.

Tell me, how are you managing your days, keeping up on news without burning out, and finding a sense of peace when the mind keeps racing?

Stay safe, my friends. Stay well, and please Stay Home.
For all of us.


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