Solo Birthday Vacationing (with the Cat)

I have the very unfortunate displeasure to have a birthday that falls during “Spring Break.” As a child, that meant birthday parties on or near my birthday were next to impossible because everyone was on vacation! Including me… with my family. I was out of town, away from all my friends, stuck doing family activities. (I used to pack a lot of books… which I sat and absorbed for hours wherever I could find a quiet place to read).

The last two years of life 2020-2021 were likewise unfortunate, as the world shut down for pandemic related reasons. I had planned to traverse the highway to my old stomping grounds in Portland, find myself a cozy place to stay, and enjoy eating at all my favorite restaurants. Two years later, many of those favorites are now closed for good, and staying in town has become less fun and more uncomfortable as the homeless camps multiplied and expanded all over the city. But this year I was determined to take some time to enjoy my old neighborhood and good food, see friends and family, and take a week off from my job for the first time since I started this job in October 2019 - other than when I had my hysterectomy. (Which, let’s be honest: recovering from major surgery is not a vacation).

But as I sit here, alone on my week away from home (with Emma the cat) in a stranger’s place that is perfectly organized, I feel a relief from stress that is impossible to experience at home. My perspective on the Spring Break birthday curse is changing. Maybe the inability to schedule things with others is truly a gift to spend time on my own doing (or NOT doing) what I wish, which I am beginning to relish in my “later years.”

In no means am I getting “old,” but I certainly am “older,” and the adage spoken to me in my youth by those who had more years and wisdom is proving itself to be true - time really does start to fly as the years pass. And I’m finding the relationship I have with myself is of ultimate importance - seemingly more important than the relationships I have with others. I’m starting to find myself on the other side of caring what anyone thinks of me. What I wear, the activities I do outside of work (or do not participate in), and the things I say are for my own enjoyment & fulfillment, and need not impress or oblige anyone else.

This year I will be 40. In a mere two days, my thirties will be in the past, and I keep experiencing strange thoughts about life - specifically the knowing that this life is a limited experience. It’s funny that as a youth you are aware of mortality, but for some reason it never really applies to you in the way it does to others. Friends may pass in freak accidents, and family of old age and disease, but rarely does that lead to reflection on one’s own life. For me, hitting 40 has been the second real tipping point. (The first was when a very close friend two years my senior died of a heart attack while taking a nap at 31. A traumatic first wake-up call that brought everything in my life and work into question).

I know, someday, I too will die. I know that is extremely blunt, but it is also certainly true. And it’s not a matter of how at all - simply when, which is, of course, an unanswerable question. It could happen in 50 years or five days. You never know what is right around the corner, and for that reason, I have started to focus more on what I love or my curiosities as some would encourage. I’m attempting to make time to read books - also learning that perhaps night time is not right for that, as my focus is done, and maybe I will try an hour in the morning or at lunch to enjoy some reading. I am finally making art for myself and others, which has been a drive buried deep in my heart since I was six. Thirty-four years is a LONG time to wait to create when that is what your heart yearns to do!

And I truly do love a solo vacation. I always have, but have been much too afraid to travel very far alone. Especially to foreign countries. But getting away to the city, the desert, and the coast are easily achieved, fulfilling adventures of their own, which I will keep in mind for next year’s birthday escape. This may be my new tradition…!

Tell me, what has changed for your as you move forward through the years of life? Are you finding yourself re-evaluating pursuits, as well? Where has your focus changed?

Let me know in the comments below! And thank you so much for reading and being with me on this joyful experience of learning and moving through life!